We Three (My Echo, My Shadow, and Me)

I think that most of us know people are going to disappoint us. Most of us have come to accept that. We've come to expect that. I believe that most of us know that we are not always going to be happy with people. We're going to argue, and get our feelings hurt, and receive broken hearts. Being disappointed us is not the scary part. The scary thing is waking up one day and realizing that we are the disappointment. That is the thought that keeps us up at night. That is the nightmare that makes us sweat in our beds. There is nothing scarier than finding out that you are the problem.

Here is some logic: If we expect people to disappoint us, then they expect to be disappointed too. Any rationally, if people are going to disappoint us, then we're going to disappoint people too. It's a harsh reality, but it makes sense. We start arguments. We hurt people's feelings. We give broken hearts. Sometimes we won't add up to someone's standard. We will inevitably fall short sometime. None of us know what we're doing. We're looking for some semblance of a connection, but we don't actually connect with people until we make it through the hard times with them. Maybe this life is a journey. Maybe there is a start and a finish. Maybe we have a purpose. Maybe we're just here. We're all still looking for something. And when we disappoint someone during that search, we feel remorse. We have regrets. All of us do. Even those of us that say we don't do. We all wish we hadn't done something, or had done something, or stood up for someone, or kept our mouths shut, or avoided a situation. We all have regrets. The key is to apologize and move on.

"Who would've thought it would end up like this?"

--- The Script "Before the Worst"

Bring on the Wonder

I guess I'm just looking for something simpler. Angela Montenegro (Bones) said, "Childhood should be all about swings: How high can I go? If I twist the chains how fast will I spin? Or if I try and jump off before the swing stops, how far will I go?" I believe this about life. Life's a playground. We run around. We have a good time. Sometimes we fall down and scrape a knee, but somebody's always there to kiss it. We spin around and around on the merry-go-round. We go up and down the slide. The more daring of us try going down different ways: on our backs, on our stomachs, head first. We struggle across the monkey bars and sometimes someone has to hold us up so we can get across. We slowly make it across the rickety, wiggly bridge. We go back and forth on the swing. Sometimes someone pushes us, and we soar higher and higher. The trees reach their limbs down to us and offer us a handful of leaves. We grab the leaves with a feeling of triumph. The heavens look down on us and wrap us in a beautiful, cloudless sky. Then we head over to the sand pit where we dig for hidden treasures. We are carefree, whimsical, beautiful, and free. We know that someone is watching over us at all times. We know that they're a scream away. We know that no one ever could ever harm us because our somebody is watching. The playground is harmless and dangerous. It's familiar and unknown. It's predictable and an adventure. We get hurt, we heal, we cry, and we're comforted. It all ends in the same thing: at the end of the day we lie down, sleep, and dream about another playground. One with more slides, swings, and sand.

I just want the simplicity of this scenario. I like the idea of safety and freedom without worry or fear. I want fun and purposefulness. Kids on a playground seem purposeless, but they have a purpose: to experience as many things on the playground as many times as possible before their somebody says it's time to go. Maybe our purpose in life should be to experience as many things as possible as many times as possible before we die. We just have to remember that playgrounds are harmless. Life should harmless. It isn't, but it should be. We have to learn to avoid the dangerous things, the dangerous people. As soon as we embrace this childlike view, we will learn to truly appreciate life. Who knows, maybe we'll find that other kid that throws sand in your eyes, and pushes you off the slide. The kid that gives you a ring made of a worm, or a straw wrapper. The kid that gets his best friend to be the preacher when you two get married underneath the jungle gym. The kid that you somehow know you're going to love forever. The kid that makes you smile like a fool. You'll find happiness on the playground. I'll find happiness on the playground… if not today, then tomorrow.

"The silence isn't so bad, till I look at my hands and feel sad 'cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly."

--- Owl City "Vanilla Twilight"