Growing Up and Moving On (On Friendship and Loss)

The world is an unfriendly place these days. It's becoming more and more impertinent that you choose your friends very carefully. Sometimes it's hard to tell who's true and who isn't. The feeling of being stabbed in the back isn't one that I would wish on anyone. When you realize that your "best friend" acts more like your nemesis, you begin to think "where did I go wrong?" Worse than that, is the realization that someone you dearly loved has changed so much that you wish they had stabbed you in the back, then, at least, you could pin point the emotion, the hurt, and feel angry about it. When someone you love changes, things just get very blurry. You're angry, hurt, and understanding. You're mad, and sad, and glad. You're angry because someone just ended, whether a friendship or a relationship, it ended and you don't get closure for that, things just end. You're hurt because you feel like you weren't good enough, and your understanding because people have a right to change if they want to. Even when you say you're okay with the situation, the next time you see that person all those emotions resurface and you realize, once again, that that one person use to mean the world to you. They used to understand you and help you. They used to laugh at you in the sweetest way and joke with you about crazy, stupid things. They used to be your confidant, your kindred spirit. All that is gone and you're left with the bitter after taste of the sentimental binds there. Suddenly the heartstrings of your soul ache and you feel a bit emptier. You brace yourself because you know it's going to be a long night, you're going to go over every detail of your past relationship and try to pin point the origin of the problem, but you will never find it. You'll never find it because there isn't one. One day the person had a small voice that said try something different in his or her head, so they did. Then, a few weeks later a louder voice said do something different, so they did. Then a few more weeks later, an even louder voice shouted be something different, so they listened again. At first it probably scared them but as the first few weeks went by it wasn't so bad. By the second voice, they were interested and a bit more than a tad curious. But by the third voice, they were hooked, addicted, lost. They were in a spiraling vortex. Not necessarily spiraling down, just spiraling. They were dizzy and exhilarated. They were happy and excited. They came out of the vortex a different person. It might not have been a change for the worse, not a change for the better, just a change, a change completely different from what you knew. You probably tried to ignore it at first, then you tried to play along, then you tried to adapt; failing miserably at all the steps, you did the only thing you had left to do: you walked away. You didn't walk away because you stopped loving the person, because you changed your mind, or because you were offended, you walked away with your dignity intact, swearing there was nothing wrong that everything was "cool". You walked away because the change in the person hurt you to see, because you had to admit that you two were now completely incompatible. You were forced to see that you two were just old friends, whose friendship had long since dried up and were hung on the tree of memories. You walked away because you decided they needed their breathing room, and you needed yours. You walked away because although you loved the person in front of you with more passion than you had ever felt in your life, things were just too strange, too different, and too strained to continue as you once were. This is for all you girls who have had your hearts broken by retarded guys, all you guys who have been used by shameless girls, all you people who have lost friends: All people change, just not at the same time, when change happens, don't curse at the sky and shake your fists at God, admit to yourselves that it happens and move on. You'll find happier things in the future, healing and growth in the road ahead.