Pain

My heart hurts. I'm in pain. I feel so lost. I feel alone and no one understands. There's no one around to talk to me. No one that would care. People say I'm just feeling sorry for myself, and maybe I am, but I can't really help how I feel. All I do anymore is drown out the pain with loud music, excessive television (which I hate), or sleep. Breathing hurts. Living hurts. I don't know what's wrong. Actually, I must be feeling sorry for myself because I've been thinking about my Ex. God knows I dont need to go do memory lane there. That was a horrible relationship. I just want a friend really. I miss Jill with a burning, yearning passion. She is my best friend. My true kinderd spirit. My heart breaks with each day we do not talk. I need her. I need someone. My own mother and father push me away... It hurts me. I'm all anguish and I need to see the light.

I'm not really in love with the way I ended this entry... So I am editing it. What I actually want to say is this: High school is the epitomy of hell, but life goes on. I know that. God will keep me afloat. And no matter how far away He seems or my mom seems or my sister seems or even Jill, I know that He really is not very far at all. Another truth is this: even when you feel friendless and alone, someone is there that cares about you, even if you don't know it. Even if you don't want to except it.