Falling Far From the Tree

Breathing is so hard sometimes. It's like the air gets caught in my throat. I just stop breathing, and my heart hurts. It hurts so bad. There's a hole in my chest; a massive, gaping, bleeding hole. The tender ragged edges of my torso burn with the salt of life. My heart frantically beats as it desperately attempts to push blood through my body. My eyelids flutter as my blood pressure drops. Everything aches, and nothing makes sense. This is how I felt last week, but somebody came in and stitched me together. He healed me. He poured his blood into veins, and breathed life into my mouth. He was God. God saved me, again. It's like I was drowning, and He pulled me out. So, I've been trying to learn to listen to God's voice. Let me tell you something, it is not the easiest thing to do. Mr. Koehler says that it is the single most important skill on the planet. He says that it takes practice, and I'll make mistakes, but that it is completely worth it. I think that he's right. The craziest thing is that, I feel 39853498498 times better on days when I get up, pray, read my Bible, and meditate. Okay days where I did that the night before. My task right now is to attempt to be a respectful as possible to all persons. Sometimes I can be harsh, I'm just joking, but there are seriously fragile people in my sphere of influence. So, that's my mission, and God's grace is sufficient for even me.

Next up: I've watched part of Valentine's Day, the last 10 minutes of Leap Year, and I am now watching A Cinderella Story. Unfortunately, these are all love stories, and these are all movies that make me examine my romantic life; my relationship status. I'm single, I'm alone, but I don't mind. Seriously, I have finally become okay with not having "The One" in my life right now. Used to I would fantasize all day long about meeting him. Meeting the one I'd spend my life with, but now I'm happy knowing God has someone for me, I'll meet him in due time, and there is an ultimate, unfolding plan for our relationship. There are still some days when I think about who it might be, and I still have a playlist labeled "Love Songs" on my iPod, but I'm much happier being a strong, independent young woman.

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words,

which laid the foundation. It is too long ago.

I was in the middle before I knew that
I had begun."

- 'Mr. Darcy' Pride and Prejudice